I keep telling myself not to be lonely, or worst miserable, because it will just mess my life in the long run. I'm afraid to make mistakes, indeed. Mistakes keep me away from improving myself and savoring life. It is as if I'm always a mistake, hopefully not and I believe I'm not.
Before I go to sleep whenever I'm all alone, be it anywhere, I usually reminisce things that happen during the day. I'm stocked thinking every little bad things or mistakes I've done in any corner of my life. They often reminds me of being me as a little creature, hopeless and dead. When was that? Well, I tell you. It's always. I mean, everyday. It's quiet normal for others but I don't care. One thing I'm sure about is that, I need help! I need Helping hands that could take me away from those nightmares.
It was in the year of 2009, when I first met this guy while calling that year "the greatest downfall" (napaka exxagerrated naman.. talagang greatest?). I met him via television. Prof. Sanchez told the entire class to watch "The Word Exposed" by Bishop Chito Tagle that tackles about sunday's gospel televised from 6am to 7am during sundays. It's truly a very good program for nourishing everyone's soul about the goodness of the Lord. He is a good preacher. But because of my excitement, I turn on the television thirty minutes before the said program thinking that it was Tagle's program. At that exact moment, I accidentally watch Brother Bo's program entitled Kyrygma Family. I'm about to turn off the tv and wait for Tagle's program after thirty minutes when Bo told his story back when he was a child, he was molested. It interests me quickly and I don't know why. I decided not to turn off the tv anymore. He's telling about his difficult times, his addiction to pornography and all. I thought it's not right for a preacher like him to tell in front of his viewers the bad things that he've done in the past which, I think, is shameful for his image. But he did. (You can read his blogs to know more about him bosanchez.ph)
Brother Bo is also a good preacher. As the program's about to end, His word remains in me. He told us, the viewers and audiences, " Friend, You are so special in the eyes of God. No matter how bad you are, you're still special to him. Our savior don't want us to be lonely. He really never wants it. He wants us to be happy. He wants us to grow, to develop, to love him the way he loves us. If you're problematic, let the Lord help you. He's always your helping hand in difficult times. The lord never behold your mistakes nor blame you for your weaknesses. He's always on your side waiting for you to call him". I can't believe myself crying that moment. I've never realized how good God is until that time. Afterwards, I groaned, " God help me!".
Since that day, I've changed. My faith is getting stronger again. Brother Bo have impacted a great change in my life. His words are so special. It is with the grace of the Lord, I know. Perhaps, it's not merely an accident that I've watched Brother Bo's program. Maybe, God woke me up as early as 5:30 in the morning at that very day because he wants me to realize that He's always there for me, be it good or bad times. Moreover, he wants to remind me his presence which I felt in an instant. Thank you Lord for always being there for me, for taking good care of me, for those difficult times that made me really weak. He knows what I deserve and maybe this is his will. I also want to thank Brother Bo for waking my spirit to not worry anymore because we all have this one and only God that would protect us. God's always after our happiness not our mistakes. I don't deserve to be lonely, I deserve better than this. Brother Bo told us," friend, it's our time, our day, our moment to grow, be strong enough and let God carry all your burdens. Because there will be No more Darkness, No more Fears!
